Bulletproof
by Fingersnaps
Summary: A kidnap case has unforeseen consequences for one member of the MCRT. If you're in search of a plot you might want to click on another story, this one is simply concerned with the ways in which individual team members view the after effects of a specific event. Told from multiple first-person points of view and written for two NFA challenges, NCIS Titular and Question.
1. Lost and Found

5

'Where is she?' We'd been asking that every hour, almost every minute since we were assigned this case. Had an answer too, she wasn't here. I took the stairs two at a time and joined the others in the kitchen. "DiNozzo coming in."

"We're clear Tony, there's no one here. Damn it!" I saw Ellie flinch as Gibbs' fist slammed down on the table; she hadn't been with us long enough to know how Gibbs got when a child was involved in a case, guess she was learning fast. I knew she shared his frustration, we all did, we'd been hoping against hope this was where we'd find Kayleigh Hanson.

She's only six years old, they'd taken her two days ago during a school trip to the National Zoo; her dad's Navy; Captain Kevin Hanson. He got a ransom demand four hours later, only this wasn't your average cash for kid exchange, these bastards wanted information, classified documents relating to navy battle plans, and even though he loved his little girl, Captain Hanson would not betray his country. He'd called NCIS and we'd been working non-stop ever since, we finally got what looked like a breakthrough, a lead on where our two suspects, Barry Gomford and Phil Ashton, might be holding her, we'd headed out to the abandoned auto repair shop in Wheaton, MD where Ashton had worked for five years. Wasn't the first lead we'd raced out to follow, but this one, for the first time it had looked like we were on the right track. We searched but all we came up with was a geriatric lap top and an old newspaper with an address scribbled on the back page.

"Farragut Street, Woodlawn, looks like they're keeping things in Maryland, let's go." Gibbs was already on the move when he'd pointed to the computer. "McGee, see what you can get off there, we'll head out to Gomford's place, if Kayleigh's not there…"

"I'm on it Boss, maybe this antique can tell us something." He was already looking round for a power source as we raced out the door.

Gibbs had driven fast, not sure he knows any other way, and we'd done a forty minute journey in thirty; we carried out a sweep of the exterior before heading inside and doing a room by room search, all we ended up with was a fistful of nothing, and a growing tightness in our guts. Every hour passing could be Kayleigh's last, we had to find her, "Boss…what now?" I'd waited a heartbeat or two, giving Gibbs time to regain control.

"Now? We keep working, Ashton and Gomford can't just disappear…" I saw his expression change.

"Boss?" I knew him well enough to know when he was worried, and it wasn't just about the girl.

"Call McGee, if they want the computer they could be heading back to the auto shop."

I didn't need to be told twice, I selected Tim's number and waited for a reply. 'This is Tim McGee, leave a message and I'll get back to you.' I sighed. "Voice-mail Boss, I'll try again, you know how he gets when he's digging into the cyber-world." I hit the call button again and was relieved when there was an immediate response, I put the call on speaker.

"Hey Tony, did you find her?"

"Place is empty. Tim listen, they could be heading your way."

"Gomford already got here, he…he won't be telling us anything. I had to…he's dead."

"McGee, you okay?"

"Yeah; think so Boss…yeah. I have an address for you, got it off the laptop, a farm off Croom Road, Bradywine, been in Ashton's family for generations. I'll send co-ordinates to Tony's phone. You should hurry, Kayleigh could be out there."

"Okay, Tim, you call Ducky, and have him look you over before he gets to Gomford."

"Roger that; go get her."

The call ended and a shrill beep indicated the arrival of a message, GPS coordinates, I grinned, couldn't help it. "Knew he'd find something."

"Let's move."

NCIS NCIS

"You can relax Captain, they'll be here soon."

Kevin Hanson didn't stop pacing and his wife shook her head. "He's been this way since Kay went missing, blames himself because he wouldn't release the intel. I don't think he'll believe she's okay until we see her. Director, you're sure…?"

"She's safe Mrs Hanson, I promise. Special Agent Gibbs and his team are already in the building. Why don't you take a seat?"

Maggie Hanson's hands were shaking as she put her empty cup on the table. "No, thank you but…I've been so scared, until I see her with my own eyes…"

"I understand; not sure why I have chairs in this office, no one ever seems to use them." She half-smiled, but I could see she didn't think much of my attempt to lighten the situation. "Mrs Hanson, please believe me, your daughter is in the very best hands, I have a daughter and if…if anything like this happened to her, I'd move heaven and earth to have Gibbs and his team on the case. They are the best we have."

For the first time since they arrived it seemed like I'd finally got through to them, Captain Hanson even halted his endless pacing for a few seconds. The door opened and they got the moment they'd been praying for since Kayleigh was taken, Mrs Hanson took a step or two, then stopped, it was as if she couldn't believe what her eyes were seeing. "Oh my…"

Kayleigh was holding Agent Bishop's hand, looking none the worse for her ordeal. Maggie and Keith Hanson dropped to their knees, arms outstretched. Ellie let go of the child's hand and she ran to her mom and dad to be enveloped in their embrace. I felt a lump come to my throat, a family reunited; the job didn't get much better than this.

Bishop turned to Gibbs and Tony, her broad smile was matched by theirs, mine too I guess, Tony gestured toward the Hansons. "Feels good doesn't it Bishop?"

"Oh yes, never had moments like this at the NSA."

Keith Hanson finally seemed to become aware of the other people in the room and stood up, almost to attention. "You must be Special Agent Gibbs."

Gibbs nodded and shook the Captain's hand. "Agents DiNozzo and Bishop."

Hanson shook their hands in turn. "Kayleigh…she's our world. Thank you doesn't seem nearly enough."

"No thanks necessary Captain, we did our job, and it's our pleasure to bring your daughter home. Young Kayleigh seems fine, but you might want to get your doctor to take a look at her."

"We will, thanks again, all of you; you're right Director, they're the best."

I nodded in agreement and picked up the phone. "Pamela, have Agent Norris come in please." I turned to the joyful Hanson family. "He'll escort you to the parking lot, I'm sure you all want to get home." I shook their hands and led them toward the door, giving Kayleigh a quick smile as she looked up shyly from her father's arms.

"Hold on Director." Tony glanced at the door, I knew what he was waiting for, they were a man light and he was expecting the remaining member of the team to enter the room. "They can't go without meeting McGee, he's the main reason we got to Kayleigh so fast."

"Then we must thank him." Maggie Hanson, halted her husband's progress with a hand on his arm. "If he helped bring my baby home…"

I'd been hoping to avoid this moment a little longer. "Perhaps another time; Agent McGee…he's not available right now, but I'll be sure to pass on your appreciation. Ah, Agent Norris, please take the Captain and his family to their car."

With more enthusiastic words of thanks and some hugs for her rescuers Kayleigh and her parents were gone. As soon as the door closed behind them three worried faces turned in my direction, Gibbs stepped closer. "Leon?"


	2. Driven

4

Author's Note: First of all, thank you sdt.

After struggling with a case of writer's block for a few months I finally got a bit of inspiration, however the only way I could see to get this story told was to use first-person perspectives; it felt good to have an idea at last and to have the enthusiasm to write it down. Unfortunately it looks as if my ambition outstripped my ability. Apololgies to earthdragon, VG LittleBear and anyone else who was confused by the writing. The rest of the story will follow, I'm just going back to re-read and edit everything to make sure it makes sense. Please bear with me, I'll get back as soon as I can. Here's the next chapter for those who were interested in what happened next…

**Driven**

I was holding on for all I was worth as the sedan took another corner at speed, I'd thought Gibbs was driving fast earlier today when we were heading out to get Kayleigh, but this…I was pretty sure his foot hadn't let up the pressure on the gas from the minute we'd left NCIS, all he had in mind was getting to Bethesda as fast as he could. Guess I was seeing for the first time how he was when one of his own was hurting. He hadn't said a word so far which wasn't unusual, what was out of the ordinary was Tony sitting in the passenger seat, as quiet as I'd ever known him; Director Vance had sure thrown us all a curve ball. As we stopped at a red light Tony found his voice at last.

"This is mixed up Boss; we talked to him, he said he was okay."

"I heard him Tony." The light changed and Gibbs was focussed on the road again. I rubbed my hand across my chest, feeling the kick of the bullet as it crashed into my ribs, without my vest…never told Jake about it, when he saw the bruise I told him my martial arts trainer got the better of me, he's already worried about my safety, no call to make things worse. Two things I learned that night, my reaction time needed to improve, and getting hit by a bullet, even when you were wearing a vest hurt, it hurt a lot, took a couple of days before I felt like I could take a really deep breath. So what was different this time? The Director said Tim had been hit and had to be taken to the hospital, I couldn't get my head around it, he'd been wearing a vest, we all were, Gibbs wouldn't have it any other way.

"I don't understand, when I was hit, it was a real shock…for a while it felt like I'd been kicked by a mule, but…I never went to the hospital, why…?"

"You were lucky Bishop." We'd finally arrived at Bethesda and Gibbs concentrated on finding a space in the parking lot. "Kevlars give great protection, but if the shooter's close enough, if he's packing real power…"

"But he got us the address Boss, if he was hurt, how could he work?" Tony was already unbuckling his seat belt ready for a quick exit.

"You know the answer to that Tony; a child was in danger, he'd work as long as he was able, same as I would, you too." Gibbs parked the sedan, switched off the engine and we all piled out of the car. "Enough questions, let's go get some answers."

We followed Gibbs as he set up a Marine fast march pace toward the hospital entrance, answers…I prayed they'd be what we wanted to hear, the whole day felt like it was racing past at warp speed. As soon as we had the farm's location everything had been about finding Kayleigh and getting her out of harm's way as fast as we could. When we got there we found out Ashton wasn't alone, took us a while to get through them, to get inside; they'd hidden her well, but we found her in an old root cellar. We had to wait for medics to deal with the wounded, and all the time Tim had been in trouble and we didn't know, how could we? Like Tony said, Tim had given us vital information, he sounded fine didn't he? Thinking back, was he breathless, did he sound like he was hurt? Short answer, no he didn't; he wanted us to get to Kayleigh Hanson as fast as possible and he gave us the means to do it.

Director Vance hadn't been able to tell us much, he knew Jimmy had called for paramedics and that he and Ducky had gone to the hospital with Tim, he knew a replacement ME had been requested to deal with Gomford's body. He'd given Abby permission to go with them, with a brief smile he'd admitted to Gibbs it would have been impossible to stop her once she'd called Tim at the crime scene, she wanted to know if he was bringing in new evidence, something more she could work on to help us to find Kayleigh. When Jimmy answered and told her Tim was hurt she'd pleaded to be allowed to meet them at the hospital. Stunned as he was Gibbs had asked for details, but the Director didn't have much more to tell. "As far as I can make out, Doctor Mallard had to carry out emergency first aid at the scene. I wish I could tell you more but there's been no further news from the hospital. You've reunited the Hanson family, now go, take care of your team Gibbs; let me know when you have news."

Gibbs didn't have to be told twice and we'd made it from Director's office to parking lot in record time, and now, after what seemed an age, but was in reality less than thirty minutes we were almost there. I managed to catch up to Tony and asked him the question nagging away in my mind. "He's going to be fine right? When we get in there, I mean, he's in the hospital, the doctors will…"

Tony slowed down and gave me a half-smile. "He'll likely be sitting there, waiting to be rescued from Abby's hugs. Don't you worry Bishop, he's okay you'll see." Tony spoke with conviction, and I hoped he truly believed what he was telling me because from the looks of him Tony was worried too, maybe he was hoping if he said it aloud, the deed would follow the word.

We'd soon know; Gibbs had spoken briefly to the receptionist to get Tim's location, and Tony and I followed in his wake as he strode toward the elevator, hitting the call button as if demanding its arrival immediately. We stood silently as we watched the lights count us up to the fourth floor, as soon as we exited the elevator we could see them, Abby, Ducky and Jimmy, sitting together in the waiting area, Abby holding tight to Ducky's arm. I glanced across at Tony, he'd seen them too, and I could see his brief heights of his optimism had plummeted to the floor, if Abby was out here waiting, looking fearful. …"Tony…" I didn't know what to say, how to deal with something like this; a co-worker, a friend, had been hurt on the job, what could I do, what could I say? Best to leave it to the ones who knew Tim best. Tony gently ushered me toward the others and Gibbs moved closer to Ducky, homing in right away on the one person who could be relied on to tell us what had happened, to reassure us everything was going to be okay.


	3. Need to Know

4

**Author's Note:** _My sincere thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter and my apologies for wearing my heart on my sleeve, you've come on here to read a new NCIS story and you don't need to have me whining about my writing issues over and over. It ends now and I'll move on, intent on simply posting the chapters without further comment, other than to repeat my appreciation of your thoughtful comments, including those from guest reviewers_. _So without further ado…_

**Need to Know**

I'd been dreading this moment; they were here and they'd want information, something we didn't have. We'd been waiting over an hour for the latest news but Doctor Fabrace still hadn't come to the waiting room; the medical team would be busy, I knew that better than most, but I…we, needed to know how he was doing, whether the actions we'd taken in the field had prevented a crisis, or made things worse. Perhaps if I started talking, it would delay the inevitable.

"Ah Jethro, did you find young Kayleigh?" It was a ridiculous thing to ask, and if I'd been less distracted I would have come up with something much better. There was no way they would have come if the child was still in danger.

"Safe and sound, she's home with her mom and dad. How's he doing Duck?"

There it was, the question I knew he'd ask and to which I had no answer, and yet this was no time in which to take refuge in silence. "We're still waiting for an update Jethro. Timothy is having a second CT scan so that the doctors can assess the severity of the lung collapse."

"Whoa! Back up there Ducky." Tony of course, I knew he'd have difficulty understanding what had transpired today. "He was talking to us! This is wrong, all wrong." He dropped down into a chair and leaned forward taking in a deep breath, I knew exactly how he felt, the shock…They were all watching me, waiting for more, for something to help them understand why their case had led them to a hospital, it had seemed like a routine case to us too.

We'd made good time getting to the auto shop, Jimmy's navigation skills got us there promptly, thank God, because if we'd been delayed, the consequences don't bear consideration. We entered the building and for a moment or two everything seemed normal, at least normal by our standards, a dead body on the ground, a field agent collecting evidence, nothing we wouldn't expect to see, until I took a close look at Timothy. He wasn't standing straight and it didn't take any medical training to see he was in pain, his face was flushed and he hadn't even noticed our arrival…I called to him and then…best not to think about it, tell them about his injury, keep things on a professional basis and I won't have time to think about what I did, whether it was the right thing to do, whether I'd made things worse.

"I appreciate it's not what you want to hear Anthony, it's not what any of us want for a friend, however, we must face facts. When he talked with you Timothy was yet to feel the full effects of the impact; blunt force trauma can cause injuries which do not immediately manifest themselves."

"Then tell us Duck, collapsed lung, how did it happen, was the vest faulty?" Jethro was doing his best to maintain his usual cool, detached manner, but coming so close to the Fay Gussman case his thoughts would obviously turn towards such a possibility. "No Jethro, I can assure you Timothy's vest did its job, without it…no, we won't even consider such an outcome, However, he did take two rounds to the chest, and although the impact was considerably less than it would otherwise have been, the impact still caused some internal damage."

Eleanor's hand went to her chest and I recalled her moving gingerly for a day or two after her encounter with the vile Ms Gussman, she'd had a recent reminder of just what 'bulletproof' actually meant. "He…how bad Ducky?"

"We're awaiting further news, the first CT showed two broken ribs which were the likely cause of his tension pneumothorax." I thought I was doing quite well, keeping things on an impersonal, professional level, but it was becoming increasingly difficult to keep a slight tremor out of my voice. I had to be careful, they looked to me for calm and control, I'd already let one of them down today, I couldn't let it happen again.

"Come on Duck, in English." Jethro's voice cut through my drifting thoughts and pulled me back to their increasingly concerned faces.

"When there are injuries to the chest, even non-penetrating injuries, they can compromise respiration, if a broken rib punctures the lung, it can cause air to escape into the chest around the lung which can then collapse inside the chest, preventing the lungs from functioning correctly, the chest space becomes constricted and the lungs can't inflate fully leading to severe breathing difficulties." This was better, I was on safer ground now, talk about it as if it was an abstract medical condition, not a real, very real, very frightening medical crisis. "It is vital to release the tension and allow the lungs to inflate fully, this is not always easy, and emergency procedures must be undertaken. Mercifully, the EMTs got to us promptly and Timothy was breathing on his own when he was transported here."

"But his lung, you said 'collapsed', can he breathe okay with that?"

"Unaided, he would likely have some difficulty Tony, but now he has a chest drain and is receiving oxygen, I'm sure the lung will re-inflate and all will be well." See, I could say it, and I had them believing me, no need to tell them that the prognosis was far from clear, that Timothy may suffer long-term consequences if the collapse didn't heal itself soon. I could keep that to myself a little while longer, they were worried enough without me adding to their burden, I'd keep that secret and all being well, please God let it be well, I'd never have to tell them. I felt a tug on my arm.

"Ducky, why are they taking so long, shouldn't we have news by now? I…I want to see him, to be sure he's okay."

Abby had been quiet; since we arrived she'd sat by my side and waited, looking up every time someone came near the waiting area. She'd kept a tight hold on me, and appeared ready to wait as long as necessary, but now I could feel her trembling. "Hush my dear, I'm sure we'll hear something soon. Don't forget once the scan is done they'll want to get him settled before they allow any visitors." We all looked up as brisk footsteps sounded in the corridor, getting closer, this was it, surely at last we were to get the news we craved. Heads dropped as the nurse passed by, intent on reaching another destination she never gave us a second glance.

This was too much, if we had to wait any longer they might start to ask more questions; I wasn't ready to tell them everything that had happened today, not until I knew more, until I'd seen with my own eyes that I had done no harm. I could feel them watching me, could they see my fear, did they know what I'd done? I had to get news on his condition, someone must know what was happening. Quickly but carefully I released Abby's fingers from mine, got up and almost bolted for the door.

"Hey Duck, you okay?"

"Me? I'll be fine when Timothy is well again. I fear…I fear I have exacerbated his injuries, he would have been better off without my clumsy intervention. I tried to help and all I've done is cause him unnecessary pain." I turned on my heel and hurried down the corridor, I thought I heard Jimmy's voice call after me, but I couldn't wait, we'd already waited too long, I had to find out just how much damage I had caused.


	4. Worst Nightmare

4

"No Doctor, that's not right!" Too late; he was already disappearing down the corridor, I turned to the others, I couldn't have them thinking any such thing. "He didn't want to hurt him…he had to…but it was the only way, you must believe me."

Gibbs put out his hand and stopped me running after the doctor. "Sit down Jimmy, let him have some space, we'll go get him later. Listen, you don't have to convince us about Ducky, we know he'd never hurt anyone if he could avoid it. Can you tell us what happened?"

Could I? Everything had happened so fast and I'd been so scared we were going to lose him, without Doctor Mallard I think I'd have stayed frozen to the spot and Tim would have…

"Jimmy, you look like you could use some coffee, how about I get us all a drink then you can tell us." Tony was already on his feet and Gibbs was nodding, suddenly I did want a drink, hadn't thought of it until he said it, guess I was still out of it a little, it had been one heck of a day.

"Sure, yes please, that would be great."

"I'll help Tony." Abby jumped up out of her chair and linked arms with Tony as he moved over to the vending machine, like all of us she was full of pent-up tension, guess doing battle with a hospital coffee machine was as good a way as any to get busy. The hot drinks were soon in our hands and I set mine on the chair beside me to cool down while I tried to get the series of events straight in my head. Gibbs took a sip of his coffee, how did he do that when it was scalding hot? "Ducky said you made good time, what was Tim doing when you got there?"

"He was putting a laptop in an evidence bag, only he was moving real slow, and he seemed…like he wasn't with us, you know what I mean? Then Doctor Mallard called his name and he turned around." I reached for my coffee, not drinking, but holding it was somehow comforting even if I had to use both hands to help keep the cup steady. "There were two bullet holes in his jacket and for a second I was terrified, I thought he'd been hit. I mean he was hit, but I didn't think about the vest; I looked for blood, there wasn't any, only he looked sick and then…" For this I needed coffee, I took a good long drink and tried again.

"Tim…he, his knees just gave way and he was on the ground before we could get to him. I stood there, like the greenest medic in the world, and I did nothing." It was hot in here, why are hospitals always heated like the tropics? I felt someone take my coffee and strong hands pushed my head toward my knees.

"Breathe Jimmy, take a minute." Gibbs stooped in front of me and smiled, one of those smiles that was meant to reassure me, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. I took a deep breath, and another. "I'm good, thanks."

"You ready to carry on?"

All I wanted to do was shut out the pictures in my head. I wouldn't do it, I had to tell them, if I didn't Doctor Mallard would have them all convinced he did something wrong.

"Doctor Mallard, he acted right away, he saw Tim was struggling to breathe, told me to get the emergency gear from the truck. When I got back…Tim was in trouble, real trouble." The rasping sound of Tim fighting for breath, the look in his eyes as he faced the very real prospect that his next breath could be his last, they would haunt my dreams for a long time, but I was determined not to freeze again, just like Tim needed the doctor then, my mentor needed me to step up now and let them see what he'd faced out there.

"We got his vest off, I half hoped it would make a difference; that his breathing would get better right away, if anything it was worse. The doctor seemed to know what we had to do from the minute we saw the bruises on Tim's chest. He had me call 911, and while I was on my phone he was preparing to…when he took the needle out of the sterile packaging I knew what he was planning. I'd seen it done in the ER, never in the field. Doctor Mallard was amazing, it was like his RAMC training kicked in, even after so many years, he…he saved Tim's life."

"Jimmy, for the love of…what did he do?"

I wanted to tell them, but it was all so raw, so vivid, the noise, the pain, then the incredible feeling of relief…my mouth was so dry I couldn't talk. Abby came to my rescue.

"It was a needle thoracostomy Tony, Ducky had the needle decompression kit in his emergency gear. You okay Jimmy? You ready to tell the rest?"

I nodded, took another drink and half-smiled at the puzzled expressions on their faces. "It's a procedure for releasing the air from the chest cavity, you have to…" Unconsciously my hand went to my chest, feeling for the second intercostal space, something we'd learned early on in medical school. "Doctor Mallard did everything textbook style, cleaned the area, put in the needle. All the time he was talking to Tim, trying to keep him calm, you could see the panic in his eyes, he couldn't take a breath, he must have thought…Then, when the needle went in; I was holding him still, but…he must have been in such pain, Doctor Mallard was as gentle as he could be, only the needle, it has to get past the ribcage and through the chest wall."

I could see Tony and Ellie wincing, and Abby grabbed hold of Gibbs, I wish I could have been less brutal but how could I not tell them how difficult it had been for my mentor? We were used to dealing with cold, unfeeling corpses, to inflict pain on a living being, a friend, it was tough enough for me to watch, what it must have been like for the man pushing a three and a half inch needle into Tim's responsive flesh I can't begin to imagine. I know it must have been bad, ever since the EMTs arrived and took Tim away Doctor Mallard has been quiet, worried, it was easy to see he was feeling guilty, he'd done brilliant work, if only he could see…I wanted to take the burden from him, would have done it if he'd let me, but he closed in on himself, and I guess until we get to see Tim and talk with him the good doctor won't find any peace.

"Here Jimmy, let me take that." My hand was shaking again, and Tony gave me a quick pat on the shoulder as he took my cup and set it down on the table. "You did great, helping Ducky, can't have been easy."

I stared at the doorway, willing Doctor Mallard to come back, a broad smile on his face so I didn't have to be the focus of the worried faces around me. "Easy…no, the doctor, he was incredible, I…I tried to help, and I think once the pressure was released and he could breathe a little easier, I think Tim knew we'd tried not to hurt him too bad…" Abby's arms were around me in a flash.

"He knows Jimmy, we all do."

Gibbs sat down beside me, his face less stern than I was used to seeing. "She's right, you dealt with a life and death situation like the true professionals you are. Don't second-guess what you guys did out there. It could have ended with us all losing someone close, what the two of you did, it kept us together."

I was in danger of losing it then, so much had happened; I wanted my wife, my daughter, I wanted to hold them tight and tell them I love them, we're so close to the edge sometimes, and a day like this…lets us see what really matters. I felt the first prickling of tears, and closed my eyes fast, they had enough to deal with, I had to hold it together. Then we heard it, the sound of footsteps coming closer, and this time they stopped at the doorway, it was Doctor Mallard, not wearing the broad grin I was hoping for, but he was smiling, and for the first time since we saw Tim at the auto shop he looked hopeful.


	5. Safe Harbor

3

"You're okay Tim, settle back, you're in the hospital, do you remember?" I brushed my fingers across his forehead and he lay back on the pillows. This was the second time he'd woken up since Doctor Fabrace gave us news about his injury and allowed us to spend some with him. Once they'd taken a look at him and convinced themselves he was doing okay, Gibbs had pretty much ordered Ducky and Jimmy to get out of the hospital and get some rest. Tony had taken Ellie home, she'd taken one look at Tim and it seemed like everything rushed in on her, I sympathised, seeing him like this, it's almost too much.

"Abs…? Did they find her…Kayl…?"

He asked the same question the first time he woke up, guess he's not thinking straight right now, not surprising with all he's been through today. I hushed him with a finger to his lips. "The doctor said you shouldn't talk, concentrate on breathing, okay? Kayleigh is fine, she'll be tucked up in her own bed right now, thanks to you." He shook his head, but he didn't try talking again. Good job, he had to keep his strength for getting better, he'd taken a battering today and according to his doctor there was a way to go before he'd be on the mend. "You close your eyes, Ducky always says sleep is a great healer so let it work for you, that's the way…rest easy."

I'd been so scared when Jimmy first told me he'd been hurt, and when I got to the hospital and saw Ducky, how small he looked, how old; I thought for one heart-stopping moment Tim was gone. Then Jimmy smiled, a sad little smile, and he told me what happened, we sat together waiting for what seemed an eternity. Finally, the waiting had ended and we got to see him, I wish it could be for longer, but thanks to Ducky and Jimmy we'd have another day tomorrow, and the day after, and for lots of days to come.

I sat down and settled in to watch, the nurse would be kicking me out in ten minutes and if he slept the whole time I wouldn't care, all any of us wanted was for him to be better, and if Dr Fabrace is right he has every chance, just so long as he does as he's told. First off, he has to rest and let his lung get back to how it should be, the doctor said it could take up to 72 hours before it re-inflated fully; the way he looked now I could see him needing every one of those hours.

The chest drain didn't bother me, though I can see why Ellie was overwhelmed when she saw it, I knew it was helping to prevent a further collapse so I was glad it was there. I'd have been happier if he hadn't been hurt so bad, but I'd take dealing with this over him taking two bullets into his unprotected chest any day. At least this way I was looking at him in a hospital bed with IVs and bruises, not seeing him cold and dead on an autopsy table,

His recovery would take time, and we'd most likely need to convince Tim he didn't have to rush things, we could do it; take the combined forces of Leroy Jethro Gibbs, Doctor Donald Mallard and their teams…us, we'd make sure he did whatever it took to heal. Right now he looked so…vulnerable; the IV, the monitors, nasal cannula, they all made it look like he'd be lost without them. Guess he would too. If Ducky and Jimmy had been just five minutes later, if he'd been alone when he started to have trouble breathing…Doctor Fabrace said they'd saved his life, without the needle thoracostomy Tim would have died; minutes…a wrong turn, construction delays, deciding to unload the gurney from the truck before going into the auto shop, tiny moments, the seemingly unimportant decisions in life that can make the difference between living and dying.

He's got this far and he's going to be okay, I'm staying positive, pushing to the back of my mind the scary scenarios the doctor warned us about. Tim, he's not going to develop complications, Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome, intrapleural infection…I mustn't think about that, I won't, he's out of danger, he's going to get the help he needs; we'll get him through. One by one the tubes and machines will be taken away. Then he'll walk out of here, okay, not walk, they always make patients use a wheelchair until they get out the door, but when he's out…

"The meds will kick in soon Tim, ride through it…that's right; listen to me, the pain will ease, see…better already. Hush, just sleep, you're safe here, we've got you; everything will be better tomorrow." I hated to see him in pain; Doctor Fabrace said it was all part of the healing process, didn't make it easier for him, or for us to watch him.

"Ms Sciuto, two minutes."

"Can I stay just a little longer, please?"

The nurse shook her head. "Special Agent McGee will be in good hands, he'll be sleeping, and if you don't mind me saying, you look as if you could use some rest. If you're not out of here in two minutes…"

"Okay, can I just say goodnight?"

"Of course, but quickly."

She came back a minute later and I asked again if I could stay, she didn't have to say a word, her look spoke volumes. Looked as if I was going to be leaving, time to say farewell. I leaned over to kiss his forehead. "Visiting hours are over Tim, I have to go. You rest and I'll see you tomorrow, good night." I didn't want to leave him alone, he seemed to find comfort in soothing words and a brief touch. If he woke up in the night…or the pain got too bad…maybe if I asked the nurse again she'd let me stay, not likely judging by the way she looked last time she came in. Reluctantly I headed for the door only to have it open before I could reach for the handle.

"Hey Abs."

"Tony! What are you doing here? The nurse already told me I had to leave...twice."

"She tried telling us too." Tony smiled and looked over his shoulder; Gibbs, I should have known. "You're staying with him?"

"Not leaving him alone Abs." Gibbs kissed my cheek and held the door for me. "As far as the medics know, Special Agent McGee could be in danger from an escaped kidnapper, looks like he's going to need protection until we take a suspect into custody."

I knew as well as he did they'd captured all the men who'd abducted Kayleigh. "Sneaky Gibbs, I love it!" I gave them both a quick kiss and made my way home with a lighter heart, Tim wouldn't be alone, whatever help he needed, he'd have someone who cared deeply for him right by his side.


	6. Rule Fifty-One

4

I took another swig of coffee, it was good, a sure sign I'd ignored the hospital vending machine; it had become a part of my routine, I'd found a decent coffee shop on my route to Bethesda, and I called in before heading to the hospital for a visit. He's doing well, all the doctors are pleased with his progress, since the chest drain had been removed our biggest problem has been getting Tim to slow down, take some time, get his strength back. He'd scared us for a while, scared me…I didn't want any of my people to get hurt, I'd lost too many in my time, but him, he always seemed immune somehow, whatever scrapes we got in to he came out pretty much unscathed…except for Dearing's bomb.

I missed it then, missed that he was hurt, so busy checking on Tony and Ziva I neglected to take a good long look at him, it's always the way, I've always got somewhere to be, someone to see, and I didn't take time to really look right in front of me. Is it because I see him as the IT guy, my go-to when something has to be found on a computer, the guy who doesn't get hurt?

I left him alone at the auto shop and that was a mistake, not for the first time I just figured working on a computer was easy, no danger, no need for backup, it was a dumb move. All the time I tell them, never assume, anticipate, expect the unexpected, and what did I do? I saw a missing girl, a family torn apart and I lost focus, took a chance the kidnappers would be at the location we were heading to, only I wasn't taking a chance with our safety, we had strength in numbers, I was taking a chance with his. Almost lost him because I forgot to look at the big picture.

When Tony called him; I missed it again, how could I? He used the exact same words he did when I found him after the bomb and I asked if he was okay, 'I think so' that's what he said, then he asked if I was okay. I was, but he wasn't, not then and not when Gomford's bullets crashed into his chest, he wasn't being evasive or trying to make light of his injuries, he didn't know how he was feeling because he was in shock. With a chunk of glass sticking in him he thought he was fine, same as he did five days ago when his ribs were perforating a lung. I should have heard it in his voice, the same detached tone he had in the squad room, I should have sent help, got EMTs out to him, instead I let him work, took the information he gave us and didn't give him a second thought until we got to Vance's office.

I've been thinking about him plenty since then, watching him, watching the others watching him, seeing how tight the ties are that bind us all together, feeling their fear. Not just theirs, I'd been scared too, 'specially on the third day…He'd been doing okay, slow but sure they said and then…his temperature went up, the doc got worried about an air leak, they talked about surgery and it all got tense and quiet…Thankfully, Tim's condition started to improve that night, his lung finally re-expanded and there were no more leaks, He was still in pain, and trying not to let us see it, when he was stronger, when it was just the two of us; I tried to talk with him about it, to tell him he didn't have to hide from us. Wasn't exactly a shining moment. He'd laughed, a bitter laugh without a hint of warmth.

"Are you serious Boss? You of all people…when do you ever open up? Your whole life is a closed book and we only get to see a page or two when you're good and ready, or when your old life crashes in on a case."

"Didn't say I was a good example Tim, you don't have to be like me or your dad…we got used to keeping things inside, you know how much good it does."

"Better than most I guess." He'd looked past me, toward the window, maybe he was seeing something, someone…"I'm more like him than I ever would have…don't want to be, it's not healthy, but it's the habit of a lifetime, suck it up, don't let anyone see if you're hurt…or scared." He turned the full intensity of his gaze on me and I got a good look at how much he was holding back. "When Gomford fired…I was so slow, so stupid, how did I not see him before…? It was a probie mistake, I took my eye off the door…I should have seen him before he had time to fire."

"Stop right there! You got him, you took two rounds to the chest and you got the guy who shot you. Doesn't sound like stupidity to me, sounds like the action of a damn fine federal agent."

"Not me…I'm…doesn't matter. I'm really tired Boss. You don't have to stay, I'll be fine, just need some quiet if that's okay."

And that was that, he'd shut me out as effectively as I'd ever done to anyone who tried to get close. I let it go, but he needn't think the conversation was over, I'd let him recover fully, and we could all see he wasn't there, not by a long way. When he was home, that would be the best time, when he was in familiar surroundings, maybe he'd relax enough to listen and understand I want him to learn from my mistakes, not to repeat them. I took another drink and smiled as I heard voices, well, one voice coming closer, Tony had been assisting in Tim's physical therapy so he could help with his rehab when he got out of here, and he was taking his duties as unofficial gym-buddy very seriously.

"You're not breaking any records McWheezy, but you did more reps today than yesterday, so it's all heading in the right direction. Don't forget, soon as you're up to it, we're going out for dinner, my treat." I held the door open for Tony as he pushed Tim's wheelchair into the room and parked it beside the bed.

"Good session Tim?" He looked tired, but that was to be expected after an hour of gym work, and every session would help to make him stronger.

"Getting easier Boss; couple of days and I'll be out of here. I think I have another problem; maybe I should get my hearing checked, I could swear Tony offered to pay for dinner."

"Hey! I pay lots of times, tell him Boss…Boss?"

"I'm thinking Tony, give me a minute."

Tim was smiling and Tony gave him the lightest of slaps to the back of his head, then a broad grin spread across his face. "You'll eat your words when I pick up the cheque."

Tony was doing his best to look crestfallen, wasn't working, he couldn't stop smiling, me either. It was good to have smiles again, now Tim was on the verge of getting out of here we could all relax a little. "So Tony." I put the wheelchair in the corner and waited while Tony helped Tim get into bed. "This dinner, we all invited?"

"Absolutely! I promised Ducky and Jimmy, a small way of thanking them for everything they did for Tim. Then I figured what the heck, we all have cause to celebrate, to give thanks, so I'm taking everyone."

Tim settled back against his pillows, doing his best to stifle a yawn. "Sounds good Tony, can't wait."

"You can wait Tim, you heard Tony, we go when you're up to it." He was itching to get out of here and I understood his impatience, but he had a way to go before he'd be up to a team dinner. "And there's another thing, my Senior Field Agent is going to need some time to get his funds together. I might be a steak and potatoes man but Ducky has expensive tastes."

"Bring it on Boss; whatever Ducky wants, it's his for the asking."


	7. Meltdown

3

"Stop! Federal Agent! Put down the gun!"

I'd done it again. Every time I fell asleep I was in the auto shop calling out the words I never had chance to say back there. I was gasping for air, my heart was beating so fast, my head was pounding…the other times I'd woken up had been bad, this…I sat on the edge of the bed trying to calm down, to take a regular breath. Slow and easy, that's what the doctor said, count to three, breathe in, count to three, breathe out…after a few repetitions it got easier, then I started to shiver. I looked down, my T-shirt was wet…I must have been sweating, didn't remember…time to change into some dry clothes, get myself a drink.

As I stood in the kitchen waiting for the water to boil I wondered if I'd made a mistake when I decided to stay on my own. Tony had offered to come home with me, or for me to sleep at his place, but I'd refused, after days of being surrounded by people all I wanted was to be alone, have some peace and quiet. Got the quiet, didn't get much peace.

If I closed my eyes I could see him, when my eyes were open I remembered, the gun was raised, Gomford was ready to fire, I was utterly powerless; all I could do was stand there and take the bullets, I was too slow…After he fired Gomford smiled, he raised the gun a little higher, ready for the head shot I guess…gave me the time I needed to get my gun, I fired, he fell, it was over in seconds and unbelievably I was still alive.

I knew he was dead, checked for a pulse anyhow, by the book McGee, always by the book, except when I took my eye off the door…didn't think of it then, I got back to the job, I carried on with the search, then Tony called, I gave them the address, called Ducky, after that it all got…confused. I remember switching off the laptop, I think I put it in a bag, my chest was aching, then it wasn't, I couldn't…count to three…concentrate on the positives. Kayleigh wasn't hurt, she's back with her family, I'm home, on the mend thanks to my heroes.

Ducky and Jimmy, they…without them I'd never have made it out of there, my world had gone into a tailspin so fast, one minute I was trying to find a missing girl, the next, I was on the greasy, filthy floor of an auto shop fighting for a breath that wouldn't come. There was more pain, sharp, mercifully brief and then…thank God, I could breathe…I felt…what did I feel? Relief…fear, no make that terror, what if it happened again and Ducky couldn't make it better? He kept talking to me, telling me everything would be okay, Jimmy got me a blanket, folded it into a pillow, he put an oxygen mask on my face…oh it felt good. I couldn't tell them then, couldn't talk, but I told them over and over in the hospital, I think they know now, I hope so. They had my life in their hands and they saved me, just wish I deserved everything they gave me.

I've thought for so long I wasn't the one who got hurt, sure, I'd been in some situations, Somalia, the bomb at NCIS, but I got off with hardly a scratch, maybe without knowing it I'd started to think it would never happen, well it had. Problem is, I'm not sure how to deal with it, not the pain or the tiredness, they'll pass I know, but what about my ability to work, would that get better, or was I done?

I'm not good enough, simple fact, should have faced it long ago. I guess when Ziva was here and I was left behind to do the computer work while Tony and Ziva led the field work it wasn't an issue. I was doing what I was good at, but being out in the field more often...it's showing me I'm holding the team back, all this time I've been deluding myself that I'm a fully-fledged field agent, I'm a millstone round their necks that's all, even Ellie, green as she is, I can see her catching up, soon she'll surpass me and they'll all see me for what I am, the runt of the litter, the one who can't keep up.

The way I acted out there, it was unacceptable, oh no-one's said anything, they're all treating me with kid gloves right now, even Gibbs, but I know what they're all thinking. If it had been Gibbs or Tony out there they'd have shot Gomford before he had chance to fire, Ziva…heck, she'd have known he was there before he even got through the door, I never understood how she did that, should have tried harder, maybe I'd have seen him before…I rubbed my chest as another spasm of pain made itself known. I could have stopped this, if only I'd been good enough. I should have been able to get the information Gibbs needed without it becoming such a drama, if I only had that innate ability to be aware of danger, but it wasn't there, and if I hadn't developed a way to deal with what the job threw at me by now…could I do the job?

I couldn't stop thinking about Gomford and the gun…mostly the gun, every time I see it the damn thing gets bigger, and the noise louder, whenever I make another useless attempt to sleep it echoes in my head, booming, one shot, two…over and over…has to prove I'm a coward, not fit for duty, if I can't put it behind me, how can I face a gun again? Ducky says I should start therapy as soon as I feel well enough, but how can I? I don't think I can sit down with Dr Cranston and tell her I'm scared, I could go to another therapist I guess, only…she knows me, knows how I process…or don't. I could refuse to see anyone, tell them I'm dealing with it myself, it was a plan, just a really bad one, something like this, I'm not strong enough to deal with it alone, maybe I'm not strong enough period.

I shook myself and stood up, took a few deeper breaths, the pain was still there, Doctor Fabrace said it would get less and less each day, that I should take it easy and not rush back to work, if only she knew. It was a matter of time before I'd be cleared for desk duty, and then I'd have to face them every day, trying to hide my fear, keeping control, might work so long as I'm behind a desk, going back into the field…Damn it! I'm so weak, look at them; the people I work with, they've been through so much and they keep going; Gibbs lost his family, Mike Franks, Jenny…Tony almost died of the plague, he lost Kate and Paula, Jeanne walked away, then Ziva…they keep going, running the best MCRT in NCIS, and me, one stay in the hospital and I fall apart, I can't do it. The longer I stay the more they'll be in danger, one day I'll freeze and one of them will be hurt, or worse…can't do it, can't put them in harm's way. Only one thing to do; I have to quit.


	8. A Desperate Man

5

I'd been working for about an hour, cutting the timber for my latest project, the air was thick with dust and I decided I needed fresh coffee, I reached across the workbench for my mug and became aware someone was standing at the top of the stairs. I think I knew who it was even before I looked up.

"Hey Tim, you okay?" He didn't seem to hear me. "Tim, you thinking of standing there all day?"

"Here…? No, I…" He started to walk down the stairs and I could see how tired he looked, as he came to a halt beside me, he stood head bowed and whispered. "Boss, I…I didn't want to say this on the phone, should be face to face…going back to work…I can't see a way for it to happen, not now…"

"Not expecting you to, not until your medical leave is up."

"I don't mean…I'm done Boss. I've had time to think and…I'm not fit to do the job, not because of this." He waved a hand over his chest. "Because I'd be a liability; I keep hearing the gunshots, feeling them thudding into the vest."

"Tim…"

"Please, let me finish. When Ducky and Jimmy arrived and I couldn't breathe, I thought…I thought I was dying. And now…it's all I can think about and that's wrong, if I can't get it out of my head, I can't do my job."

"You have to give it time. You're just out of the hospital Tim; Ducky said you'd likely have flashbacks, let yourself heal before you make any major decisions."

He shook his head. "I've had time, lots of it, ever since I woke up in the hospital it's been on my mind…all the mistakes I made, what if…what if there was nothing on the computer, what if Gomford had been our only chance to get to Kayleigh? I killed him, and he could have been Kayleigh's only hope."

"What ifs get you nowhere Tim, we could all what if the heart out of every case, you did what was right, you got us what we needed, you got Kayleigh home, sounds to me like you did everything exactly right." I led him toward the stairs. "Let's go get some coffee, this sawdust can't be doing you any good." He looked around, a slightly surprised expression on his face, he hadn't noticed the dust; he really was out of it. I helped him upstairs and got him settled on the couch, didn't take long to get the coffee, I'd always got a pot warming when I was home.

"I…I should go, you're busy."

"I'm working with some wood Tim, nothing I can't finish later."

"Here Tim, drink this, you know, you look beat, are you getting any sleep?" He shrugged. "Off and on."

"Yeah, right. Tim…I told you at the hospital, you don't have to do this alone, let us in."

"I can't, don't you see? I'm already the weak one, the one you all feel you have to protect from…whatever. It's best I go, you can get someone who'll be a good match for the team, not some IT doofus who trips over his own feet."

"You can't be serious, how the heck would I control Tony if you weren't around to deflect some of his craziness?" It almost worked, there was something close to a smile on his face, but only for about half a second. "We'll work this out Tim, that's a promise."

NCIS NCIS

Ducky was on his second cup of tea when Tim became restless, he'd crashed on the couch before he finished his coffee, now his breathing was shallow and rapid, his face covered in a sheen of sweat. "Steady Tim, you're safe, rest easy." My words and a gentle squeeze of his shoulder seemed to get through and he settled down again.

"I see what you mean Jethro, I'm glad you called me, I had no idea…rather foolishly I had expected him to find things rather less…difficult. My mistake, I shouldn't have let him go back to his apartment, I have a spare room available, he could have come to me, should have…"

"I didn't see it either, thought he should concentrate on his physical recovery."

"As indeed he must to a degree, but after an injury such as his, along with the associated breathing difficulties and fatigue, there can be problems with reasoning, a threat of depression, I fear at this moment his mental health is our priority; you said he looked tired."

"Out on his feet."

Ducky nodded and went over to Tim, he put his hand on his forehead and smiled briefly. "There doesn't appear to be a fever, I'll check when he's awake." He stood watching for a full minute and sighed. "Leaving him alone to deal with the aftermath of such a traumatic event…a simple invitation to my home for a few days and I could have prevented this."

"You're doing it again Ducky, just like at the hospital, you're taking it all on your shoulders. We all missed it, or maybe we wanted him to be fine so we only saw what we wanted to see. He says he can't do the job Duck; he's wrong, but how do I get him to see it?"

"You don't Jethro, we do. How do you imagine Abigail and Anthony will feel when they know about all of this? We are not going to let him go, not without a fight."

It wasn't long before Tim stirred again, this time he was calm, he was simply waking up, no nightmares. For a brief moment he looked confused, then his face flushed red as he remembered.

"Boss, I…oh, Ducky, you're here too. I never meant to disturb your Saturday, I should go, thank you for letting me use your couch."

"You're not going anywhere Tim, not until we figure out where you're staying tonight."

"Stay? I'll stay at my apartment." He got up off the couch, a brief wince of pain crossing his features at the sudden movement. "I'll quit ruining your day off and get out of here."

"Sit down, or I'll knock you down, and it doesn't look like it'd take a lot of effort."

Tim looked from Ducky to me and back again, he gave in to the inevitable and sat down, slowly and carefully. Ducky sat beside him. "Good lad, now, when you've had something to eat, and believe it or not, Jethro makes a very good omelette, you and I will go to your apartment, pick up some things and you will stay with me, at the very least until you can stand up without pain."

"Ducky…it's a kind offer and I am grateful, but Doctor Fabrace said it could be weeks, I'm good."

"Stop right there Timothy, whatever you are, you most certainly are not 'good'. You are recovering from a severe trauma, you need time, and some specialist help."

"You mean a psychiatrist? I…why am I the only one who ever needs a shrink?"

"That question is too ridiculous to merit an answer. You know Tony has seen someone, as have I…Abigail too. As for Jethro, let's say he has his own way of dealing with things, and it's not always the best way."

"Ducky's right Tim, Rachel Cranston helped you when Delilah was hurt, let her help again."

"I feel so stupid…if I can just sleep I'll be…"

"On the mend, but you need more than sleep, and we'll see that you get everything you do need."

"Ducky please, I'm better on my own, having people watch me…I've had days of that, I just want quiet, if the noises go away I…Boss, could I use the bathroom?"

"Top of the stairs." I turned to Ducky, no need to ask the question.

"I'll call Rachel as soon as he's settled, she may not be able to see him until next week, but he'll come home with me today, then if he should wake up in an agitated state, I'll be there."

"No need to fly solo Duck, I'll take a turn, and if you need more help I know Tony and Abby will come if we call."

"I don't doubt it Jethro. We require time and effort but I am convinced we will make sure Timothy knows exactly what he means to us."

"Oh, he'll see it Duck, doesn't matter how long it takes. We're not losing him."


	9. Brothers in Arms

7

I was running late so of course one of the elevators wasn't working; there was a line waiting for the other one, I couldn't wait so I ran up the stairs. Doctor Cranston's office was on the fifth floor, didn't take me long to get there. I pushed open the door into the waiting room and checked the light above the office door.

"You're okay Tony, he's still in there." The doctor's secretary smiled as she put down her phone and pointed me toward the water cooler. Guess I'd run faster than I thought.

"Thanks Justine." I poured myself a cup of water and sat down to wait. This was his third session, I was hoping he was starting to feel it was worthwhile coming. The first time had been tough and when he came out he looked totally drained; Abby picked him up the second time and she said it was better, not good, but better. I wanted him to feel better, I wanted him to feel better about himself, it was what we all wanted. Physically he was doing well, his breathing was getting better and every day the pain was easing, it was slow progress, but it was steady.

Problem was, he was still talking about walking away from NCIS, from us; we were working on changing his mind. I'd only just finished my drink when the office door opened and he walked out.

"Hey Tony, you don't have to do this, I could get a cab."

"I was at a loose end, thought I'd swing by and give you a ride back to Ducky's." We headed to the elevator and I took a quick look at him, he still looked beat and…lost. "Tim, you up for a walk? It's fine out, seems a shame to spend the whole day inside."

He hesitated, didn't answer until the elevator doors opened and we stepped out into the lobby. "I think I'd like that; maybe we could get a coffee."

"Sounds good."

Doctor Cranston's office was on 19th St NW, and we decided to grab a coffee from Kramer's and sit in DuPont Circle Park, it was close by and there were benches, trees, chess games…maybe he could relax there and he'd open up, maybe.

We walked past the chess tables and I saw him checking out a couple of the games. "You want to challenge someone to a match?"

He shook his head. "Not today; talking with Rachel…kinda wipes me out, you know?"

"Not sure I do, I mean I've had therapy, but I never had to deal with what you have. My sessions started to help right away." We sat down on a bench by the fountain. "I think all I needed was a sounding board. You, heck Tim, you could have died."

"But I didn't, thanks to Ducky and Jimmy…they deserve better than to have me fall apart, after all they did I should do better…"

"You will Tim, you are. Look how far you've come already."

He stared at the fountain, shaking his head. "Far…sometimes it feels like I'm moving forward. I go a night without hearing…and then it all comes crashing in. Tony, what if I can't put it behind me?"

"What does the Doc say?" I didn't want to pry, just wanted to be sure she was helping him.

He smiled a little. "Not much; mostly she wants me to talk."

"And do you?"

"It's hard not to, you know her, she has a way of listening, she looks at me and sometimes…"

"You see Kate."

"You too?"

"Oh yeah."

"Makes it hard not to tell her everything. Seeing her is helping I know it is, but it's taking too long."

"Who says? Not Gibbs or Ducky, not your doctors, you heard Director Vance; when he said you take all the time you need he meant it. There's no schedule, you do what you can when you can, and when you need help we're right here."

"I don't remember you taking time when you had the plague, seems to me you were back at work real fast."

"Yeah I was, and maybe I should have taken longer."

He sighed a little. "Glad you didn't, we might have missed the bomb…"

We sat in silence watching the world go by, not really seeing anyone; it was easy to slip back to the dark days when we lost Kate, I guess seeing Rachel brought it all closer.

"We'll never know, things turned out the way they did, nothing we can do to change them."

He bent down, put his cup on the ground and took a couple of deep breaths. "Decisions we make, a split-second and lives change."

"It's the job we do, we live on the edge; die there sometimes. You can do it you know, the job, not saying it will be easy."

"I thought it was impossible…talking with Rachel, with all of you, I'm not so sure. I don't know what to do."

"Listen Tim; right now all you have to do is get well. The rest, coming back to work, dealing with cases, holding a gun." I saw him flinch. "Hey, you don't have to go near a weapon until you're ready."

He gave a quick laugh. "I'll add it to the list."

"What list?"

"All the things I don't have to do until I'm ready. Let's see, there's going back to headquarters, giving my statement about Gomford, sleeping in my own bed, passing my physical fitness eval…" He seemed to run out of steam and slumped against the back of the bench. I picked up his coffee and handed it to him.

"Here, take a drink. Should have guessed you'd have a list; Tim McGee has to have everything in order."

"Guess so, makes my life…make sense, least it did. Now everything's wrong side up and I don't know where I'm heading."

"I hope you're heading back to the team Tim, I really do, and I'll do everything I can to help you, but only if it's what you really want."

His hand was shaking a little as he took another drink and he emptied his cup before turning to me. "I…I think I do, no, I do want to, only…wanting doesn't always make it so."

Oh boy, was this what I'd been hoping for, an admission that he wanted to stay on the team? Steady Tony, he's still nervous, don't spook him. "It can get you closer Tim, if you want something enough, makes you work harder to get it, and one thing I learned about you a long time ago, you're not afraid of hard work."

That got a smile out of him, and as he leaned back, resting his head against the bench I saw him relax for the first time today. "Work I can do…will it be enough Tony, really?"

"If you let us help."

"You're already helping, all of you!"

"I don't mean giving you a ride to appointments, or making sure you have three square meals a day. Tim, I mean let us help with the heavy lifting. When we tell you that you don't have to do this alone, we mean it. All you have to do is let us in…you've been through so much, I won't pretend I know how much you've been hurting, but we've been watching you, wishing we could…Tim, we hurt too because you shut us out."

"I don't mean to…I've always had to work things out for myself, hard habit to break."

"We're what our fathers made us I guess, for better or worse."

"Must have been hard for you, losing your mom, getting sent away to school, your dad and his…"

"Lies, women, cons? I learned to deal with it, like you learned to deal with a dad who wanted a carbon copy of himself and got a…"

"Disappointment."

"I wasn't going to say that and you know it. The Admiral loved you Tim, just like my dad loves me, they just had cockamamie ways of showing it." Was I getting through? Hard to tell but at least he was listening. "How about I make you a deal? I will try and break the habit of a lifetime and have a serious relationship with a woman." His eyebrows went up and I almost jumped for joy, for one brief moment he looked like the Tim we all knew before the shooting. "I'd like to see that Tony, I'd like that a lot. You said a deal, what do I have to do?"

"Forget what your dad always said about sucking it up and fighting your own battles. Take the help that's on offer…please." Two days ago he'd have given me a fast no, the fact he was taking some time thinking it through, had to be a good thing right? The silence went on…and on. "Tim?"

He smiled, a real, warm smile and I allowed myself to hope, come on Tim; say it. "I guess if you're going to try breaking the habit of a lifetime, least I can do is…" I couldn't care less who was watching, I grabbed him in a hug Abby would have been proud to give. "Ask anything Tim, if I can't do it, I bet I know someone who can."

"You're sure the others will be up for this?"

"Are you kidding? We've been ready and willing since you left the hospital, letting you go back to your apartment was a mistake, we've been trying to put it right ever since."

"I felt like I was ready Tony, no one's fault but mine. I knew my physical limitations, thought I could manage. The nightmares…they threw me a curve ball, wasn't prepared…"

He started to shiver and I noticed the sun had gone in and a cool wind was whipping up. "Time we were getting back, Ducky will have my hide if you get a chill."

"I'm not so fragile a gust of wind is going to hurt me; your hide's safe Tony."

"So you say, I'm not taking any chances. I remember what it's like when taking a breath feels like the hardest thing in the world; you're still healing and I'm not going to do anything to jeopardise that, so let's move."

"On it Boss."

"Are you sassing me Special Agent McGee?"

"Just a little bit Very Special Agent DiNozzo. This…it's been good Tony, maybe we could do it again next time I have an appointment with Rachel."

"I have a better idea, how about you buy me coffee tomorrow, after we've had some time on the firing range?" I was taking a chance, hoping he had relaxed enough to be able to face the idea of holding a weapon again. He looked down at his left hand, flexed his fingers then took a deep breath.

"Have to try it sometime; guess tomorrow is as good a day as any. If I'm going back to work I have to start somewhere."

"So long as we take things one step at a time, and you lean on us if you have to, there's no if Tim, there's only when."


	10. Recovery

6

"There you go Tim, signed and sealed; one psychological evaluation declaring you fit for a return to field duties." Rachel handed me the envelope, she was smiling at my eagerness to take it from her. "You don't have to look quite so pleased, if I was more sensitive, I could be hurt."

"Sorry…only, this means so much to me."

"No need to apologise, you deserve it, and just because our scheduled sessions are done, don't forget I'm always here if you want to talk."

"Thank you, I don't think I'd be here now if it wasn't for you."

"It only worked because you were willing to be open about what was going on in your head, and I have a feeling you had some encouragement there."

"Got a kick or two up the you-know-where…deserved them too. It's too easy keeping things inside, wasn't doing me any good; Tony helped me see I had to talk about things, seems like I've done nothing but for the last few weeks."

"Just be sure you don't stop now Tim, you've come a long, long way, all you have to do is keep doing what you have been and you'll do fine." She put out her hand, but instead of shaking it, I took a chance, held her hand in mine and kissed her cheek.

"I'm in your debt Dr Cranston, and if there's ever anything I can do for you, anything at all, please call me."

She was still smiling as she waved me out of her office and I figured my smile was a lot wider than hers. With my eval papers clutched tight in my hand I headed to the outer office.

"Way to go Tim!"

"I thought you were meeting me in the park."

"And miss that smile, no way." Tony took the envelope from my hand and waved it in the air. "Final piece of the 'back to field agent status' jigsaw. Must feel good."

"Oh yeah." I put my arm round his shoulders. "So good I'm going to pay for dinner tonight."

"No way! I made a promise Tim, and it's one I intend to keep. We haven't had a team dinner in a long time and I can't think of a better reason for us all to get together; having you back and fully recovered…Today is a very good day, and we're going to mark it with a very special dinner which will be my treat; are we clear?"

"Crystal Tony. So, coffee in the park, for old time's sake?"

"Wish I could, I wanted to be here for this." He handed me the envelope. "But I have to get back. The Director wants our case reports done before five or we'll be working late."

"I could come in, give you a hand."

"Don't tempt me; enjoy your last afternoon of freedom Tim, you can start fresh Monday morning. Don't get caught up in a chess game, dinner reservations are for seven-thirty."

"We'll be there."

We parted in the lobby and I took a slow walk to DuPont Circle, picking up a coffee on the way. The day was much warmer than it had been the last time Tony and I had taken this walk almost a month ago…was it really that long? Sometimes it seemed like yesterday, and others…so much has happened, some bad, most good.

I've come a long way from the cowed individual who was frightened to close his eyes in case the nightmares came, and they always did…until my friends took me in hand; things started to change after I moved in with Ducky. He opened up his home to me, made sure I took my meds, got plenty of rest, good food; he made me feel at home in his home, and with the peace and security he offered I started to heal. Had lots of help and that made all the difference, I couldn't have done this alone, that had been my mistake right at the start. I thought once I was out of the hospital everything would be fine, I'd be able to pick up where I left off, guess what I forgot was that where I left off was fighting for my breath on the floor with Ducky and Jimmy helping to keep me alive…

Who would have thought my saviour would be Tony? He's been with me almost every step of the way, and I'm pretty sure he'd have come with me to see Rachel if she'd allowed it. Having her to talk with, being able to open up my soul to someone who wouldn't be sympathetic, wouldn't push, would just listen and offer the support she felt I needed, gave me the foundation to build on when Tony and the others offered their own brand of counselling. Tony…simple fact, couldn't have come this far without him, he'd supervised my breathing exercises, set up a schedule for physical therapy, lots of walking, light gym work, building up gradually day by day until I was as fit, if not fitter than I was before the shooting. Getting stronger, walking further, running…won't say it was easy but it happened and the improvements were there for all to see; inside my head things were a lot messier.

I sat down on a bench in the shade, no chill wind to worry about today, there were a couple of guys engrossed in their chess game and for a few minutes I just watched them, playing their game in my head and nodding when they made a move I'd predicted. How things had changed…the last time I was here, talking with Tony that day, thinking for the first time since the bullets hit that maybe I could face a gun again, I wish I could make him see how much he gave me. I've never been the most confident person in the world, and working alongside so much talent, all I could see was they were better than me…guess what little confidence I had was leeched away when I let Gomford get to his gun first. But Tony, he wouldn't let me think that way, shows how far we've both come since we started working together, back then, he'd have had plenty of sarcastic remarks about my lack of speed on the draw, and me, I'd have come back at him with some snide comment about what I saw as his lack of academic achievement in comparison with what I'd done.

How stupid I was then, seeing only what Tony put on the surface, not seeing what he kept inside, he's smart in a way you can't learn behind a desk, and he'd been willing to show me how to grow, but I was so much the green probie all I could see was the put-downs, for the longest time I missed the lessons…time wasted, by both of us…he'll never admit it even now, but I think there are a few things Tony's learned from me, setting up his cable for one thing…I know for a fact I won't take him for granted again, not after what he's done for me, that first time at the firing range, I almost lost my breakfast when I fired my gun, the noise, the recoil, the smell…I wanted to run, would have too if Tony hadn't been there. He took me through the next shot, held my hand as I aimed, stood behind me, his hand on my shoulder when I fired…and it was better, took a few visits before it was good, and more before he allowed Gibbs to join us; it happened, as so much has happened since I left the hospital by tiny stages. And then there was a day when it all came together, nothing dramatic, no great eureka moment, just a day when everything I did felt…right.

I'd been lucky, I have no doubts without prompt medical attention and Rachel's professional help things would have been much, much worse. The team never let me falter, they stuck with me even when I was being a pain in the butt. Gibbs, Tony, Ducky, all of them kept me sane, made sure I didn't lose sight of who I am, what I want out of life…Oh Lord! Delilah, I promised I'd call her as soon as I had news. I hit speed dial.

"Tim! Are you okay? I was starting to get worried."

"I'm good, time just got away from me. She signed the papers Delilah, I'm clear to start work Monday."

"That's wonderful. Oh Tim, I'm so happy for you, you've worked so hard, you deserve this."

It was great having her in DC, she'd been through such a massive trauma herself she gave me a whole new perspective on my problems. "Tony had to go in to work. Would you like to go for lunch, have a quiet celebration before tonight?"

"Only if it's a very light lunch, I took a look at the dinner menu for tonight and I don't want to spoil my appetite."

"No problem, I'll pick you up in thirty minutes."

NCIS NCIS

I looked around the table, at all the people who helped me put my life back together.

"It's about time we got to do this Tim, you kept us waiting long enough."

"Hey, wasn't just me Tony. We had to wait for Breena to allow her mom to watch Vicky for a few hours, and for Zoe to get back from her undercover op."

He gave me the full mega-watt Tony smile. "True; and another cause for celebration."

I took another look at the menu, Ducky had chosen the restaurant and although it wasn't the most expensive place in Georgetown, 1789 sure wasn't the cheapest either. Tony saw me looking and leaned close to whisper. "If you offer to pay one more time, I swear I'm going to head-slap you right here in front of everyone."

"Then let me at least pay for the drinks, a small way of saying thanks to everyone, and to you most of all."

He considered for a few seconds. "You sure? Don't want to take money from your new apartment fund."

He kept his voice low, Delilah and I wanted to keep our search on the down-low until we'd found somewhere we wanted to call home. "No danger of that Tony, I've hardly spent a thing the last few weeks. It'll be my pleasure."

"Sounds like we have a plan."

There was a flurry of activity as the waiting staff took our orders, and when everyone had a drink to hand I stood up and tapped my glass with a spoon. Conversation halted and all eyes turned to me.

"I don't want to make a long speech, we're all here to have a good time, not listen to me talk, but there are a couple of things I wanted to say. First off, thank you, all of you have helped me more than I can ever repay. Without Ducky and Jimmy I wouldn't have made it as far as the hospital, and after that…I made some mistakes, plenty…until you all stepped in I was floundering. Never had to deal with something like this before, wasn't prepared…Guess the longer I went without being hurt the easier it was to believe I was bulletproof, Gomford's bullets put an end to that, but I do believe it will make me better, faster, smarter, and one thing I know for a fact, we're a stronger team today than we were five weeks ago. Not because of me, I don't have that big an ego, but I think because we all had a common purpose, I was the focus this time, but you'd have done the same for any member of the team, it's what we do for family. I'd like you propose a toast, to the best friends a man could have."

They all raised their glasses and took a drink, I smiled and prepared to sit down and enjoy a great meal. "Just one more thing, next time I get hurt, if there is a next time, and I tell you I think I'm okay, please ignore me because my self-diagnosis skills leave a lot to be desired. Cheers everyone, and thank you; for everything."

THE END

_Author's Note: I'd like to thank everyone who has followed or favourited this story, and as ever offer my biggest thanks to those left a review. I know first-person points of view are not popular, so I'm grateful to all of you who stuck with this story._

_I have no new ideas fermenting, and real life looks set to enter a rather difficult phase so I doubt if there'll be any more stories from me for a while. I'm committed to a fiction exchange on NFA which means I'll have to have a story ready for the end of June, but before that…nothing doing. Enjoy all the great stories on here, and hopefully I'll see a few of you around as and when I post again._


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